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She closed
her eyes and said softly. "Let us start from today, don't tell our
son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the
door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realised that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There
were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third
day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished.
Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my
arms. The visualisation of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such
as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you
now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out.
She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she
sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly
realised that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her
more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt
a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her
head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum
out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come
closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid
I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body
tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter
weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you
will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and
said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such
intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was
afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she
touched my forehead, "You got no fever." I moved her hand off my
head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say sorry to you. I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the
details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now
I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth
to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to
say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my
wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the
greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry you out
every morning until we are old."
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